Why this works (in plain English)
Parents often get stuck between two bad options:
Too soft → your message is easy to ignore.
Too heated → people get defensive and the relationship strains.
This approach is a third option: warm + clear + specific + documented.
It works because it does three things at once:
Assumes good intent (so people don’t brace for a fight).
Asks for concrete next steps (so it’s not a vague complaint).
Creates a written record (so you’re not starting over every time).
Before you send: the 60‑second prep
Answer these three prompts (one sentence each):
Concern: What’s happening and where do you see it?
Impact: What is the learning/behavior impact?
Request: What do you want next (meeting, data review, evaluation, plan)?
Keep it short. You’re opening a door, not writing a novel.
The copy/paste email template (Collaborative but firm)
Subject options (pick one):
Request to review supports for [Student Name]
Follow‑up and next steps for [Student Name]
Request: meeting + data review for [Student Name]
Email body (copy/paste):
Hi [Name/Team],
Thank you for all you’re doing to support [Student Name]. I’m reaching out because I’m noticing [concern], and it’s impacting [impact].
To make sure we’re aligned and using the same information, could we:
Review recent data/observations related to: [goal/behavior/attendance/work completion]
Clarify what supports are currently in place (accommodations, prompts, interventions)
Agree on one clear next step by [date], such as: [meeting / adjustment to plan / evaluation considerations / service check]
I want to stay collaborative and focused on solutions. If it helps, here are a few examples I’m seeing at home:
[Example 1: brief]
[Example 2: brief]
Could you suggest 2–3 meeting times in the next [7–10] school days, or let me know who the best point person is to coordinate this?
Thank you, [Your Name] [Your phone number]
“If they say X, reply Y” (no‑drama responses)
If they say: “We’re not seeing that at school.”
Reply: Thanks for sharing that perspective. That gap between home and school is exactly why I’d like us to compare notes and data. Could we review [work samples/goal data/behavior logs] and agree on a shared definition of what we’re monitoring? I’m happy to bring examples from home as well.
If they say: “Let’s wait and see.”
Reply: I understand wanting to be thoughtful. My concern is the impact on [learning/attendance/emotional regulation]. Could we set a short timeline—say 2–3 weeks—with a specific plan and data points, and then schedule a review date now?
If they say: “We don’t have staffing.”
Reply: I appreciate how real staffing constraints are. At the same time, [Student Name] still needs access to support. Could we discuss options within the current structure (adjusting accommodations, consultation, schedule changes, or other supports) and document what we’re trying and how we’ll measure if it’s working?
3 examples (fill‑in versions)
1) Requesting an IEP meeting
Request line to use: Could we schedule an IEP meeting to review [Student Name]’s goals, current supports, and whether adjustments are needed based on current data?
2) Requesting an evaluation
Request line to use: I’m requesting an evaluation to better understand [area of concern] and to determine whether [Student Name] needs additional supports/services.
3) Requesting clearer progress reporting
Request line to use: Could you share the most recent data points connected to each goal (baseline, current performance, and how progress is being measured)?
The “friendly boundaries” checklist
Use this to keep your message effective:
✅ One email = one main request (meeting OR data OR evaluation).
✅ Use specifics (dates, classes, 1–2 examples).
✅ Add a timeline (“by next Friday,” “within 10 school days”).
✅ Close with a simple action (“Please send 2–3 times”).
❌ Avoid diagnosing in the email.
❌ Avoid long backstory.
❌ Avoid quoting laws unless you’re escalating.
What to do after you send it (so you don’t get stuck)
Save the email thread in a folder called “IEP – [Student Name].”
If no reply in 3 school days, forward the email with: “Just bumping this to the top of your inbox—thank you.”
After the meeting, send a meeting summary email (we’ll cover that in a future post).
Free download
If you want a one‑page version of this template:
Print it and keep it in your IEP folder.
Use it as a script before phone calls.
Next reads
How to ask for an evaluation in writing (and what to include)
The follow‑up email after an IEP meeting (summary template)
What to say when progress reports are vague
